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well, where do i start..
I ve been bulimic for over ten yrs now. Here s my story:
I always had issues with weight since i can remember. i remember in Kindergarden we had this thing going on : see if your hand can wrap around your lower arm and wrist. I you didnt make it you were a fat kid!
When i was around ten there was this very popular german tv show about a ballarina.
I remember dancing around the living room and weighing myself to see if I was close to the weight of the girl that played the ballarina( it was mentioned in the show)/
Around 15 I became more an emotional eater. i would sit in my room and drift away into my dream world and tv shows and movies and eat .I reached my highest weight of 155 lbs.

I met my ex husband when i was 18( he was 25 yrs older and very abusive) Around that time I developed full blown Bulima, within a few months my weight dropped to 120 lbs( i am 5.7)

Finally after 2 yrs of hell i left him but my habbits stuck with me. Id purge to control what i ate, to control my feelings, lonliness and pain.
My weight stayed in the 120s .

I dated my ex boyfriend for 2 yrs, He was very active and got me into running and diet pills. During that time I barley threw up but the pills caused me horrible mood swings.

After that relationship ended I dated ( i call him the love of my life) for almost 2 yrs. There was a lot of emotional stress and abuse , again I feel back into my mia habbits plus I picked up cutting. Eventually I ended up getting panic attacks and was put on anti depressive meds for a while.

When the relationship ended I came down a bit and got a little peace in my life. I met my husband and at that time he seemed to have a positive effect on my. That didnt last long and again i went back to purging and binging on a regular base.
He went back to the states( military) and since i didnt have my immigration papers ready I got stuck in germany . I was left behind, had to deal with bunch of stuff, plus he kinda cut out contact with me, ( he called me 5 times in a yr- and i found out he had an affair) led me to back into full blown bulima and again wild parting with drugs. I started having a love affair with pain meds and dope, on top of that i barley slept and drank almost every night, TO stay awake id pop hydroxycut to keep me awake and give me energy.i was hospitalized a few times due to dehydration.
By the end of 2006 I thought i need to break the habbit and give my marriage another chance.
I left everything behind and moved to washington.
It took me less than 2 weeks to find out that my marriage was not to be saved. Hell finally broke loose when he caught me cutting and purging one night and called all his friends and my friend and told them about my ed and how fucked up i am and what a poor man he is!
I distanced myself from him since then( there were other issues, but he likes to blame it all on my ED , its easier for him),.
I finally moved out a month ago but stress keeps following me.
Latley Ive been purging and cutting more then ever, my weight is up to 135lbs right now and i just wanna die:(
I am restricting a lot latley to get away from purging ( because it finally takes its toll on my health) but i fall back into horrible binges and cutting scenes(

well thats ME

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